Thursday, May 15, 2008

Goodbye, Cousin... II: The Silent Killer

(16.05.2008 Update:
Read also Ms. Hart's and Auntidasthots' entries on Cik Ya. Both of whom are Cik Ya's friends.)


(20.05.2008 Update:
Read Ms. Hart's heart-rendering visit with her friends to Cik Ya's resting place and her magnificent home.

Also, this here is the entire postings on Cik Ya in this blog.)


According to stories I put together from Kakak (the younger sister), Bibik the maid and Amira the eldest daughter, Cik Ya had been having fever since Saturday. Officemates Cik Ya beritahu Kakak that Cik Ya was having shortness of breath and sakit dada since the past week. They even said Cik Ya ada e-mail semua orang articles on heart-attack, and made a pact with her friends to go visit the doctor for overall check-up beramai-ramai.

On Tuesday morning, she went to see the doctor with Abg Ami (the husband) for her breathing and chest-pains troubles, and the doctor advised her to go see the specialist. But Bibik said cik Ya refused to go, thinking that she will get better even if she rested at home. After seeing the doctor, she went back to the office at noon, and masa time balik pukul 8 - 8.30pm tu, kawan-kawan Cik Ya beritahu she actually returned back to the office after berjalan keluar sebab dia kata dia rasa penat sangat nak berjalan. They also noticed that she had trouble climbing up the stairs ~ cepat letih. When Cik Ya finally walked to her car, they noticed that Cik Ya spent like 10 minutes to just rest before driving off.

That was the tell-tale sign that she was not well at all.

Kakak also said that Cik Ya's department memang department yang sangat stressful - balik pukul 8pm tu is a norm for everyone at her department. I think Cik Ya worked as an engineer.

On Wednesday morning, Bibik kata cik Ya bersiap-siap untuk pergi kerja macam biasa, but took quite a while in the bathroom. Amira kata masa dia jerit ke Umi dia yang dia nak ke sekolah dengan her Ayah at 6.50am tu, her Umi menyahut dari bathroom and sounded weak. At 7am things went spiralling down. Apparently Cik Ya fell in the bathroom, got up, got out to tell that she wasn't feeling okay at all, and collapsed and fainted at the staircase. Abg Ami, Bibik and the boys Amir and Muadzam started screaming menangis-nangis. Then her mouth started buih-buih, and Abg Ami rushed her to Columbia with Bibik holding Cik Ya at the back-seat. Dalam panik-panik gitu and Cik Ya unconscious, it was probably masa tu Cik Ya pergi. In Bibik's arms. With 12 yr-old Amira at school, while 10 yr-old Amir jaga 8 yr-old Muadzam kat rumah.

It's........ sad, people. If you see between Cik Ya and I, you would think it would be me yang patutnya pergi dulu. She's petite, she's active in sports, hence not at all overweight (she's the normal weight). While I'm just plain categorised as 'obese' in the BMI (Body Mass Index) section. It's sad that the entire family were not able to say proper goodbye, tak ada tanda-tanda dia nak pergi dulu ke apa. Itulah ajal namanya...

When Abang & I reached her mom's house, Mak Teh, in Nilai yesterday, it was half past 12. Cik Ya was still at the hospital, awaiting for post-mortem at 2pm. Aku tak faham kenapa kena post-mortem sebenarnya. Arwah Pak Rustam meninggal mengejut aritu pun, tak da post-mortem rasanya. Tapi tak pa lah, at least we get to know punca dia meninggal dunia, eventhough bila aku teringat Cik Ya nak kena cut open, aku dah menangis sedih.

At Mak Teh's house, orang punya la ramai. You see, Cik Ya ni memang antara anak sedara kesayangan aunty-aunty dan uncle-uncle seramai 13 orang (masuk Mak Teh is 14). I think I've put up an entry about our Negeri Sembilan side yang sangat besar. Bertambah pula dengan cousin-cousin Ayah aku (Oh ya, Mak Teh is my dad's elder sister. She's kindalike THE respected figure in ayah's family), anak-anak cousin-cousin ayah aku a.k.a dua pupus yang mostly our age, officemates lama dan baru Cik Ya, officemates Abg Ami, schoolmates Cik Ya.... ramai!!! Some of them ada yang meneman Abg Ami at the hospital, some tunggu di rumah.

Masa ni lah juga aku tengah uzur. Umi pula memang jenis tak suka nak buang masa berborak-borak kalau attend kematian. She will retreat into one of the rooms and mengaji. So, most of the time I would join Umi and find solace in her Quran reading. Amira, the 1st kid, also ikut Tok Umi in the room and baca Yassin for her Umi. Pandai budaknya mengaji, baru umur 12 tahun. Sejuk Cik Ya.

Lagi aku sedih sebab Amira showed much strength and courage at her age. Dia mengalir air mata hanya apabila aunty-aunty and nenek-nenek sedara (my aunts, including my mom) peluk dia and giver her words of encouragement. Dia tak menangis sedu-sedu. I think the Nenek i.e Mak Teh dah pesan, jangan menangis kalau sayang Umi. In fact, Mak Teh, Pak Teh and adik-beradik Cik Ya lagi 6 orang tak menangis pun, hanya bergenang air mata. So so tenang and calm. Or at least diorang menangis tak terang-terang. I'm sure they're more heartbroken and devastated than us.

Lepas Amira mengaji, aku ajak Amira duduk dengan aku. Meh borak-borak dengan Cik Lin, aku kata.

Dari situ lah aku dapat her side of story. Tengah-tengah aku kasi dia encouragement sebab she'll be taking her UPSR soon, dia beritahu aku, "...tapi Cik Lin, Kakak rasa terkilan sangat... Kakak tak jumpa Umi dari malam Kakak nak tidur..."

Aduh lah. Sedih, aku. Aku rasa, that will haunt her for life, you know. For life.

Aku hanya beritahu dia, "Kakak, everytime Kakak rasa sedih dan terkilan macam tu, Kakak cepat-cepatlah ingat yang Umi sakit sekejaaaaaaap aje. Allah ambil Umi mudaaaaaaah aje. Kakak kena cepat-cepat ingat yang Umi kakak beruntung sangat sebab Umi pergi mudaaaaah sangat. Tak ramai orang ada rezki macam tu. Bertuaaaah sangat Amira dapat Umi yang Allah sayang macam tu...", and her tears fell. Oh my heart. If I could give a wee bit of my heart for the hollowness in this little girl's, I would...

I reminded her that nanti kalau her Umi dah sampai, Amira duduk sebelah Umi and cakap ke Umi yang Amira sayang Umi sangat-sangat, Amira janji nak belajar sungguh-sungguh to make her proud, Amira janji akan jaga Ayah dan adik-adik, dan Amira akan jumpa Umi nanti. "Nanti amira beritau Umi to wait for you, ok?", Amira angguk and she wiped her tears.

At the time I had a wee chat with Amira, it was almost 3pm. She hadn't eaten or drink anything since morning. "Amira tak lapar, Amira tak haus," she said to her grand-aunts in the kitchen before retreating into the room with Tok Umi during lunch time.

So I told her, Amira, please go make yourself drink, Sayang. Karang Kakak nak hantar Umi, Kakak kena kuat. Kakak kena kuat untuk Ayah dengan adik-adik. Waktu-waktu gini kalau Kakak tak jaga diri Kakak, Ayah tak sempat nak jaga Kakak. Kakak kena jaga diri Kakak, ok?

She weakly nodded, and bangun ke dapur to find herself air kosong to drink.

Poor thing. Pukul 4 baru dia paksa diri jamah sesuatu, tu pun Nenek and Bibik teman duduk sama dengan dia.

When Cik Ya finally arrived around 4.30+, semakin ramai orang di rumah sebab kawan-kawan yang menunggu di hospital pun ikut sekali datang rumah.

It took effort for us all in the family to kiss her. Sebab ramai sangat orang nak kiss her. I managed to kiss here forehead and said farewell, "We'll meet again one day, insyaAllah..."

Lepas itu lah baru aku terus sedu-sedu. Bersih muka Cik Ya. Bersih sangat-sangat-sangat.

My uncles and aunties peluk and cium Cik Ya bertalu-talu... semua sayang sangat ke dia.

I didn't send her to the tanah perkuburan 'coz tidak berada dalam keadaan bersih. Nor did I manage to hug all three of my Cik Ya's kids goodbye. But I know they will all be in good hands. Tiap-tiap petang memang their Nenek and Atuk ajar diorang mengaji, pun. I pray for the kids' strength. And I pray for Abg Ami's strength for the sake of the kids. Though not that close as other grown-up cousins are to her, I used to idolize Cik Ya & Abg Ami from afar and how they are with the kids. Sigh. Things can't get more temporary than this.

Bibik is supposed to fly back to Indon for 3 weeks sebab cuti sekolah. Tiket dah beli, dia pun dah siap pack baju dah even befoe Cik Ya pergi. I wouldn't know if Bibik agrees to extend the date or not. Hope she agrees.

You know, in Kakak's wedding entry, I mentioned about masa Kakak kecik-kecik, orang selalu kata muka Kakak macam muka aku. But way before that, masa aku kecik-kecik, orang selalu kata muka aku macam muka Cik Ya. And both of us just love singing.

And now Cik Ya's gone.

I think this death hits me the hardest since October 14th 2003.

Kakak kata the post-mortem revealed that Cik Ya died due to blood clot in the artery. But when I read through Wiki, she had the symptoms of Pulmonary Embolism already, which of course started off from blood clot. (doctors out there, correct me if I'm wrong m'kay). That silent killer. I think arwah Pak Rustam, along with arwah Abg Bitee pun meninggal mengejut kerana blood clot juga. Read here further on blood clots.

Al-Fatihah to Cik Ya... Rosmaria Abdul Razak. Semoga Cik Ya ditempatkan di sisi orang-orang yang beriman dan soleh... aaaaamiiiin...

1&2 -
Amira mengaji untuk Umi Amira

3-
Flowers for Cik Ya

4-
Cik Ya's mom, Mak Teh (in black baju kurung), Bibik (dark blue t-shirt) and Amira (dah tukar tudung from pink to green)

5-
Taking turns for final goodbye

6-
Solat Jenazah by relatives and friends

7-
Al-Fatihah dan 3 kali langkah

f~

13 comments:

D said...

My dear, I sobbed like mad reading this. InsyaAllah, the late Cik Ya will be among the blessed.

It was only earlier today that I looked through some saved old sms texts I sent, and one was sent to some close family and friends half an hour before my late husband went, on his birthday: "Hazli's not doing well but he is doing his zikr. Please du'a for him..." and I was brought back to the last moments I spent with him.

The world is only temporary - a place for us to prepare for the more important and meaningful event: the hereafter. Take care, Faszt... be strong and looking after those angels is the least you could do.

Al-fatihah...

ms hart said...

Thank you for writing beautifully about my classmate, about a sister. Al-Fatihah.

Roti Kacang Merah said...

dijji
you know, all throughout the ordeal and when i was writing the entry, i had you in mind.

i rasa macam nak kenalkan aje abg Ami kat you supaya boleh kongsi pengalaman how to handle the despair. But am not too sure if i've the authority to do that just yet. Just like you and arwah hazli, Abg Ami and cik Ya were so so close. mana-mana pergi mesti sama-sama. i cannot ever imagine what it must've felt being in your shoes.... subhanallah.

thanks for the prayers, dijji. and you know my prayers are always with you and anak-anak... *hugs*

Roti Kacang Merah said...

ms hart
it's one character worth writing about, no...? thanks for dropping-by, ya...

Adillah A Nordin said...

Dear Rotikacangmerah,

I cried reading your posting. Maria was an old school friend. I just wish I had kept in touch with her.

Remembering Arwah Maria in my blog at:

danaukaseh.blogspot.com

Regards,
Adillah

Roti Kacang Merah said...

kak dillah
thanks for dropping-by... yeah, her demise really shook us all, kan? that don't hold back when you want to show or utter Love. nanti menyesal...

Fao said...

dear dik,
thanks for sharing hari kebumi arwah Maria with us. living away from Malaysia, hati ni gundah gelana betul, rasa macam nak balik and tengok arwah kali terakhir..tapi apakan daya...she was my hockey team mate kat TKC for 5 long years...shared lots of sweat, laughs and lawak bodo...insyaAllah kalau ada rezeki balik kampong, i akan cuba visit arwah's family.
kak fao (org PD)

Roti Kacang Merah said...

Dear Kak Fao
Thanks for dropping by.

Seeing so many relatives and friends sending her off and attending her kenduri, really make one wonder (well, me, at least) if kala giliran kita pula pergi, ramai tak orang sayang ke kita macam orang sayang ke Cik Ya...

I'm sure the family would be berbesar hati if Kak Fao dapat drop by. Kubur Cik Ya is just a walking distance to the Mother's house in Nilai.

elisataufik said...

this was heart wrenching to read!!
My heart goes out to Amira. Please hug and kiss her the next time you get to see the kids.

Roti Kacang Merah said...

elisa
will peluk untuk semua yang baca this entry...

i wish my hubby is equally affected by this tragedy as i am...

elisataufik said...

orang lelaki, sedih dia lain..
don't take it to heart. I'm sure he knows you are saddened.

Zetty said...

kesian amira, dlm umur yg masih muda terpaksa menghadapi dugaan yg begitu besar.

luka dihati dan rasa terkilan memang takkan pernah terubat. apa yg boleh kita sebagai anak buat is selalu mengingati arwah dgn al-fatihah dan bacaan yassin.

Roti Kacang Merah said...

elisa
ntah la dia sedih ke tak. maybe dia sengaja 'block', kot...

zetts
exactly the same advice her aunties and grand-aunts gave her - kalau rasa sediiiiih sangat, terus berenti dari buat apa-apa, ambil wudhu' dan baca yassin... both untuk tenang diri dan untuk her Umi..

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